OK, so I gagged this morning. Truth be told, I actually gagged twice and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Before I relate the circumstances to you that resulted in the near projectile event, I must add that I'm not sure which was worse. The first near vomit caught me completely off guard. Sitting behind my computer performing what would appear to be an endless string of tedious administrative tasks, I was lulled into a false sense of security - that is until Alexey (the Russian Doctor) "asks for my assistance". I promptly attend and am greeted by some Russian Oil worker standing with his pants down baring his ass to the greater Arctic circle and Alexey pointing proudly to a sore which, given the trauma sustained, will remain descriptionless. Assuming that there is some unmentionable task yet to be performed, I stand shocked in the corner. Both Alexey and the sore guy look at me with confused looks on their faces until Alexey asks;
"Interesting yes?"
"Ah..., yes?"
"OK, you go now."
No reminder needed. Gag one.

The second gag was a Grubby trying to tube gag. You all know what I'm talking about, one of those deep, rolling, torso contorting, convulsant types. SANIPED, the Russian agency responsible for occupational health has an odd regulation (well, they actually have a couple of odd ones) that requires all biological hazards to be disinfected before removal. There's a bit of sense in there somewhere but why can't some other guy do it - its job creation in a country that desperately needs it. So there I am, performing about 20 urine dug tests per day and each receptical contains biologically hazardous material. Lets leave it at;
"Three day old urine is brown, sludgy and smells putrid" and you can quote me on that!

The other "interesting" (as used by the Russian Doctor to describe anything that would ordinarily not interest any self respecting individual) thing that walked through the door today was an allergic reaction. At first glance I started to make a move along the opposite wall towards the door when the very flushed person presented 5 very large boils on his neck that appeared only this morning. Thankfully it was only a near fatal anaphylactic reaction to an antibiotic.

I think I'll leave it there, who knows what'll come through the door next and I'd very much like to be prepared when it does.

P.S. Haven't seen a bear yet

Russia

So, Ladies and Gentleman, I present Russia. When the Iron Curtain fell, they couldn't afford a new one so they just left it open, the window that is. The borders on the other hand are tighter than a shark's ass in a power dive - you need documents to go to the bathroom here.

Anyway, my journey here was a mix of emotions; fear, disgust, surprise, aw and, how would I describe it, boredom I guess. But hey, the Russians are an interesting bunch. The one gent comes into the medical facility for his daily alcohol check and remarks that the breathalyser didn't pick up the party he had last night - not even the sex. All I have are questions.

I promise to update this more regularly from now on - hell, all I have is time.

Cheers

Travels Begin

Finally underway.

So, what started in ORTIA (that's OR Tambo International Airport) will soon be ending in Sakhalin. I'm sitting at Incheon Airport South Korea waiting to board. Spent the night in a hotel here - some crazy stuff. I'm gonna be posting some pics and some videos, this place is well odd.

Cheers for now.

The Exorcist

A colleague of mine gets sent to a para- suicide (someone who has been rather unsuccessful in life and in attempted death). Anyway, she arrives at the, shall we call it a venue, only to be greeted by, the ever to eager to assist, bystanders that gravitate to these types of things. Remind me about bystanders some time. Various versions of the events are relayed as are different degrees of injury and level of consciousness.

After dispatching the bystanders with her usual sarcasm, she moves inside - only to be greeted by a woman (mid 30's, slight of build) being set upon by 3 large men, 1 per arm and 1 on the pelvis. A 3rd, in full clerical regalia is halfway through the rights of exorcism.

The moral is; don't slit your wrists in Cape Town. Failing that, anti- depressants and alcohol are a bad mix.

PS. instead of the usual deep croaky demonic voice quoting Lucifer's Book o' the Damned, this chick whips out the South African Constitution - how's that for possession?

Humans. We, by our own proclamation, are the top of the food chain, the finish line of the evolutionary obstacle course, the big kahunas.

Let us take a step back, shall we? What other creatures display the same "tenacity" for survival and growth and adaptation to their environment? Let me ask you this; what kingdoms exhibit the same remarkable ability as humans to breed under the most extreme conditions. What organisms will continue to multiply, exhausting all resources - to their own detriment? Viruses and bacteria.

We're not numero uno because we're so switched on or because we can adapt, we're here, at the top, because we can breed better than anything else.

3 Sides To A Story

As people go, I'm quite a volatile individual. I have a very short fuse - just so that you know, I am not without faults - I have some mega issues but one thing that I don't understand is why people insist on being such bastards (men and women alike). No one ever seems to get the fact that there are always, and I mean always, 3 sides to a damn story.

Before you insist on slandering someone - walk in their shoes for a while and for those of you who entertain those short sighted, self serving slanderous bastards - wake up - you're next on their list.

Road Rage Revenge

A mini bus taxi driver has ended up in hospital following a road rage attack ( http://www.sabcnews.com/south_africa/crime1justice/0,2172,167783,00.html)

Now, while I am not going to advocate violence, I have had the misfortune of driving on South African roads and being subjected to the complete lack of courtesy and the absolute lawlessness exhibited by a large percentage of mini bus taxi drivers - and according to witnesses, this driver was no different.

So, you will have to excuse me for not feeling the least bit sorry for the driver of the taxi - I've seen far to many people die because of the ridiculous behaviour that these individuals exhibit;

• Tail gating
• Driving in the emergency lane
• Driving on verges
• Driving on the pavement
• Skipping red lights
• Indiscriminately stopping
• Speeding

You name the section in the Road Traffic act and these fools break it.

I am however saddened by the fact that this driver won't take this lesson to heart (or head for that matter).

Law In South Africa

Two recent court cases, have earned the attention of newspaper readers in South Africa;

• One person was fined R1 000 for not having a TV license
• Another was released on bail for R500 after being arrested formurder

The moral of this South African story:If you do not have a TV license and the inspector comes round, kill him.You'll save R500

.........It's the Right Thing To Do....

Decent Assault

The below quote is from the News 24 website dated today - 26/01/2008

Spokesperson for Tonga police station, Constable Mzwandile Nyambi, said police had opened an attempted murder and rape case.

"It is the first time that our police station has had to attend to this kind of case. We don't even know whether to call it rape or decent assault," she said.

It pertains to a young man that was allegedly raped at gunpoint by 3 women after accepting a lift.

I beg you, with tears in my baby blue eyes, what the hell is decent assault?

Bored

It's an odd feeling. You wake up one morning and everything's different. The thing that was once your anchor, your support and what you enjoyed most, no longer does it for you.

My New Year's Resolution is somewhat of an anti- resolution at least by conventional norms; "Work Less, Play Harder", or something just as cliched but equally non- productive. The point is, I woke up this year, not hungover (very surprised because I knew I had to have one) and it was as clear as day - you no longer want to be doing what you're doing. I don't mean the paramedic thing, I love that - I fact, I think that's what brought me to the realisation in the first place. I've become a pencil pusher - a paperless pencil pusher.

I can't remember when last I got a rush from replying to an e-mail or completing a spreadsheet although I have to admit some enjoyment is derived when an Excel spreadsheet works perfectly - sad, I know.

Back to the "Play Hard" part.

I've decided on a career path change, now it just remains to see who'll employ a 31 year old paramedic with a huge ego and delusions of youth.

I want to jump out of helicopters again without checking how it fits in with my schedule before and despite my love for my Windows powered mobile phone, it's become a symbol of the corporate beast that I now try to escape.

I must just add that I am well aware of how melodramatic this is - but what can you do? That was a rhetorical question by the way.