Que Etiquette

Mmmmm, standing in line has to be one of my very favourite things to do. There's nothing quite like the smell of a strange hu,an being as it slowly, but steadily drifts over your shoulder on a sweltering African summer afternoon. Nothing quite gets the blood pressure up...

I know that things used to take longer and over the last few years, 10 or so, everything has started to move much faster. We spend less time in ques, less time on the phone, less time with friends and apparently less time bathing.

Despite the decrease in time spent in line and my acknowledgement of this fact, it still pains me - probably more than 10 years ago.

... and then there's the disregard for any Que Etiquette...

1. Observe Personal Space
2. Bath Before Queing
3. Everyone Has to Do It - So Shut Up
4. Complain (see 3 above) if the service is crap and only if you can sense general consensus on the matter
5. Don't Leave The Que
6. ... And If You Do - Don't Come Back

I hate ques and I hate people that fail to observe the correct etiquette. Its completely arrogant and insulting.

Back In The Land of Tear Gas

Eish, but it has been toooo much of time since I last wrote something (entertaining or otherwise). Back on this side of the Iron Curtain, a little rusted as it is, running around like a man possessed, I'll do my level best to blog more often (promise to self).

27/10/2010 Rather an interesting start to my morning, small motor vehicle collision followed by a trip down memory lane. Anyone who worked in Kwa Zulu Natal during the late '90s will know exactly which lane I refer to - Riot Boulevard.

There is truly nothing quite as refreshing as telling an enraged crowd to shut up, I love stirring the pot a little. The individual lying on the floor with a bit of his tibia protruding from his right leg and a moderate head injury being attended to by 2 fire fighters and myself probably didn't appreciate the rush quite the same - but its only because his perception of the incident was skewed by the 3 storey fall that was preceded by a shove from his colleagues.

And then there's the tear gas, now that is really "get up and go juice". Well planned traditional protest dancing was cut short by its discharge and resulted in manic sprinting.

Aaaah, tear gas...

OK, so I gagged this morning. Truth be told, I actually gagged twice and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Before I relate the circumstances to you that resulted in the near projectile event, I must add that I'm not sure which was worse. The first near vomit caught me completely off guard. Sitting behind my computer performing what would appear to be an endless string of tedious administrative tasks, I was lulled into a false sense of security - that is until Alexey (the Russian Doctor) "asks for my assistance". I promptly attend and am greeted by some Russian Oil worker standing with his pants down baring his ass to the greater Arctic circle and Alexey pointing proudly to a sore which, given the trauma sustained, will remain descriptionless. Assuming that there is some unmentionable task yet to be performed, I stand shocked in the corner. Both Alexey and the sore guy look at me with confused looks on their faces until Alexey asks;
"Interesting yes?"
"Ah..., yes?"
"OK, you go now."
No reminder needed. Gag one.

The second gag was a Grubby trying to tube gag. You all know what I'm talking about, one of those deep, rolling, torso contorting, convulsant types. SANIPED, the Russian agency responsible for occupational health has an odd regulation (well, they actually have a couple of odd ones) that requires all biological hazards to be disinfected before removal. There's a bit of sense in there somewhere but why can't some other guy do it - its job creation in a country that desperately needs it. So there I am, performing about 20 urine dug tests per day and each receptical contains biologically hazardous material. Lets leave it at;
"Three day old urine is brown, sludgy and smells putrid" and you can quote me on that!

The other "interesting" (as used by the Russian Doctor to describe anything that would ordinarily not interest any self respecting individual) thing that walked through the door today was an allergic reaction. At first glance I started to make a move along the opposite wall towards the door when the very flushed person presented 5 very large boils on his neck that appeared only this morning. Thankfully it was only a near fatal anaphylactic reaction to an antibiotic.

I think I'll leave it there, who knows what'll come through the door next and I'd very much like to be prepared when it does.

P.S. Haven't seen a bear yet

Russia

So, Ladies and Gentleman, I present Russia. When the Iron Curtain fell, they couldn't afford a new one so they just left it open, the window that is. The borders on the other hand are tighter than a shark's ass in a power dive - you need documents to go to the bathroom here.

Anyway, my journey here was a mix of emotions; fear, disgust, surprise, aw and, how would I describe it, boredom I guess. But hey, the Russians are an interesting bunch. The one gent comes into the medical facility for his daily alcohol check and remarks that the breathalyser didn't pick up the party he had last night - not even the sex. All I have are questions.

I promise to update this more regularly from now on - hell, all I have is time.

Cheers

Travels Begin

Finally underway.

So, what started in ORTIA (that's OR Tambo International Airport) will soon be ending in Sakhalin. I'm sitting at Incheon Airport South Korea waiting to board. Spent the night in a hotel here - some crazy stuff. I'm gonna be posting some pics and some videos, this place is well odd.

Cheers for now.

The Exorcist

A colleague of mine gets sent to a para- suicide (someone who has been rather unsuccessful in life and in attempted death). Anyway, she arrives at the, shall we call it a venue, only to be greeted by, the ever to eager to assist, bystanders that gravitate to these types of things. Remind me about bystanders some time. Various versions of the events are relayed as are different degrees of injury and level of consciousness.

After dispatching the bystanders with her usual sarcasm, she moves inside - only to be greeted by a woman (mid 30's, slight of build) being set upon by 3 large men, 1 per arm and 1 on the pelvis. A 3rd, in full clerical regalia is halfway through the rights of exorcism.

The moral is; don't slit your wrists in Cape Town. Failing that, anti- depressants and alcohol are a bad mix.

PS. instead of the usual deep croaky demonic voice quoting Lucifer's Book o' the Damned, this chick whips out the South African Constitution - how's that for possession?

Humans. We, by our own proclamation, are the top of the food chain, the finish line of the evolutionary obstacle course, the big kahunas.

Let us take a step back, shall we? What other creatures display the same "tenacity" for survival and growth and adaptation to their environment? Let me ask you this; what kingdoms exhibit the same remarkable ability as humans to breed under the most extreme conditions. What organisms will continue to multiply, exhausting all resources - to their own detriment? Viruses and bacteria.

We're not numero uno because we're so switched on or because we can adapt, we're here, at the top, because we can breed better than anything else.